


Two Roads

by silentlullabye



Series: As Much Series [3]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Character, Break Up, Drama, Emotionally Constipated Boys, Future Fic, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlullabye/pseuds/silentlullabye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is forced to confront the lies he has been telling himself, and decide which path he is going to take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Roads

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net September 2010.

It was late on a Monday evening when the world as Tony knew it collapsed around him. His team had finally closed the case they had been working on for two weeks nonstop. He was exhausted, hungry for a decent meal, dreaming of an actual shower, and longing for some contact with Mark.

But the minute he walked in the door he knew something was wrong. There were suitcases by the door. And a coat was missing from the rack in the hall. Each room he stepped into seemed to be missing a few key things: a toothbrush, clothes and shoes, pictures, knick knacks. Finally, Tony came to the kitchen where he found Mark sitting at the table.

“What’s going on? You going on a trip?” Tony sat his backpack on the floor and slid into the chair across from his lover. Mark had a shoebox in front of him. And that was what gave it away.

“I can explain –”

“You don’t have to, Tony.” Mark gave him a soft smile, and fiddled with the pictures in the box. Mark pulled out one and laid it on the wooden table. “This one is my favorite.” The picture contained a very happy Tony sitting around Ducky’s dining room table. Gibbs sat beside him, his arm around his shoulders, a huge grin on his face. “You both look so happy.”

“Mark…”

But Mark didn’t look angry, and so Tony was becoming greatly confused. Why was there no yelling? No screaming? Tony remembered the look on his mother’s face the year before she died when she had discovered his father’s affair. Why was Mark so calm?

“I wasn’t trying to hide them.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence as Mark picked through the pictures, glancing at them, sometimes smiling, sometimes surprised, other times with a look Tony couldn’t place.

**.**

_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;_

**.**

Finally, Tony spoke up.

“You’re leaving.”

Mark looked up at him. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Mark grinned the grin that Tony had always loved.

“Because you love him.”

Tony shook his head.

“I didn’t even have to say who. You already know because you love him.”

“I used to love him. That’s in the past.” He tried to reach and grab Mark’s hand, but Mark pulled both of them up towards his body.

“Clearly not.” He gestured to the box before them. “You never left him. Not really. In your heart, you’re still by his side, in his bed, in _your_ home.”

“He broke it off. It was over. It _is_ over. I’m with you now!” Tony was getting delicately frustrated. The words he was saying sounded good to his brain, which was used to living a lie, but to his heart, which was suddenly demanding to be heard, every word he spoke was like poison.

“It isn’t over, Tony. You told me what happened when you finished. He was pushing you away because that was what he was used to. And you let him. For someone who claims to know him so well you let him push you out of his life!”

**.**

_Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,  
Though as for that the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,_

**.**

“You settled for me, Tony. And I should be really pissed that you did. But I’m not. We aren’t supposed to be. You’re meant for Gibbs. It’s in these pictures, it’s in the way you talk about him, and it’s all over your face. That look of love and devotion that might have been hidden under pain and anguish for years came back when you saw him at your award banquet. I saw you together. Tony, I know that look and it’s one you’ve never given me.”

Mark placed the lid back on the box. “You can never be happy without him, Tony. I realize that now.”

“He doesn’t want me back.”

“So fight him. Fight him for your love, the right to say you love him no matter what he thinks.”

Tony’s mind was racing. His confusion gone, he understood what his lover was trying to do. Give him a chance at happiness. But that didn’t mean Tony was completely okay with this.

“I do love you.”

Mark gave a heavy sigh and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I know, Tony. You do, but not the way I deserve. Neither one of us are getting what we need from this relationship. You need Gibbs, and I…I need someone who will love me. Really love me.”

“I know. You deserve more than I could give. I fooled myself into thinking that this could work. And I pulled you down with me. I’m sorry for that.”

**.**

_And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I marked the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way  
I doubted if I should ever come back._

**.**

Another Mark grin. “Tony, you have given me three amazing years. And even thought I always knew, probably unconsciously, that your heart wasn’t in it, I still loved you. And I don’t regret a moment of that time together.”

“It was pretty good.” 

“Yeah.” They shared a chuckle at some fond memories.

“Fight for him. Don’t take no as an answer. Because clearly you’re both miserable without each other.”

Tony gave a sad smile. Mark stood, and came around the table.

“I loved you, Tony.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Tony’s lips. Then he turned to walk away.

“I loved you, too. Please know that.”

“I do.” And he was gone. Tony sat in the wooden chair, still in his overcoat. He pulled the box toward him, opened it, and rifled through the pictures. He pulled some out, and spread them across the table’s smooth surface. He gently traced his fingers across each one, remembering the moment the photo was taken.

There were so many happy memories; they washed across the ugly ones, until Tony could only recall the feeling of a lazy Sunday afternoon lying in Gibbs’ arms.

The man he professed to love had just given him permission to follow his heart. And no matter how cliché and cheesy B movie that sounded Tony knew Mark was right.

If he wanted Gibbs back, or better yet, if he wanted Gibbs to grovel and beg for Tony to take him back, then he was going to have to fight. It would not be an easy path, but it would be worth it, in the end.

**.**

_I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference._

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> ** Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of Donald P. Bellisario, Don McGill, and CBS. **
> 
> The poem featured here is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. I know it's slightly overused but I love the poem and thought it fit well here.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.


End file.
